Oh Crap

The freak out has officially begun. I had my first full-on meltdown tonight while trying on all the layers of gear I'm intending on wearing for the climb. There's been some faint rumbling of a meltdown for the last few weeks but the eruption began tonight. It's really not a gear issue. Or a travel issue. It's a reality issue - as in the reality of this situation is that I am flying from sea level to climb a 14,411' mountain in 10 days. I am so excited for this but all of the doubts have now taken over - doubts about my training, my endurance, my mental stamina, my bravery. I have not been tested in this way before and I've all but convinced myself that the only thing I will do is fail. I know I've trained hard and I know I'm strong. But how can I know if it's enough?? I've been reading all I can about the experiences other people have had and all of them are different. Some say that it's the hardest thing they've ever done and would never do it again. Others say it's no big deal. Some say that training your ass off for months is the only way to have a successful climb. Others say that they hardly trained at all. Agh....

Maybe I should rather focus on this as simply an event - it will be what it will be. No success or failure - just a trip to a beautiful place I've never been to do something I've never done before...

Sorry to vent - sometimes a volcano just needs to blow off some steam.